The Anti-Social Century
Nuance on the "Loneliness Epidemic" from Derek Thompson in The Atlantic
Alone, But Never Alone
We've all been warned about the loneliness epidemic—the fraying of social ties, the disappearance of community, and the growing isolation of modern life. But what if the problem isn’t just that we’re lonely? What if it’s that when we’re alone, we are never truly alone?
Derek Thompson’s "The Anti-Social Century" takes a deeper, more nuanced look at how technology, culture, and urban planning have slowly restructured our lives. Instead of blaming smartphones and social media alone, he traces our disconnection back to the automobile, the television, and the very design of our built environment. The result? A world where solitude is increasingly crowded, and community is increasingly optional.
Our Alone Time Has Never Been So Crowded
One of the most striking ideas from The Anti-Social Century is that our time spent alone is no longer truly solitary. We are constantly connected—scrolling, checking, and engaging in what feels like social interaction but rarely satisfies our social needs.
As Thompson puts it:
"Phones mean that solitude is more crowded than it used to be, and crowds are more solitary."
Bright lines once separated being alone and being in a crowd,” Nicholas Carr, the author of the new book Superbloom: How Technologies of Connection Tear Us Apart, told me. “Boundaries helped us. You could be present with your friends and reflective in your downtime.” Now our social time is haunted by the possibility that something more interesting is happening somewhere else, and our downtime is contaminated by the streams and posts and texts of dozens of friends, colleagues, frenemies, strangers.
We no longer sit in cafes lost in thought, waiting in line with idle minds, or endure a long plane ride staring out the window. Instead, we are always engaged—texting, listening, watching, or scrolling. Our downtime, rather than being restful, is filled with the fragmented noise of digital life.
And when we’re actually with people, we’re often still somewhere else. How many times have you had a conversation with someone who was half-listening, glancing at their phone between words? How many times have you been that person?
This shift is changing how we process solitude and socialization. True solitude—being alone with our thoughts, letting our minds wander, reflecting on the world—has been replaced by a kind of hyper-engaged isolation. We feel the mental exhaustion of constant input, yet we don’t get the deep rest that solitude once provided.
At the same time, in public spaces, we’re more alone than ever. The possibility of connection exists, but we rarely take it. Bars, once places for meeting strangers and striking up conversations, are now largely hubs for takeout orders. Church attendance has plummeted, but many churches still offer online worship—allowing people to attend without ever engaging in person. Even office culture has shifted: what was once a place for spontaneous interactions is now optional, with remote work keeping coworkers at a digital distance.
The Family and the Tribe Are Strong, But We’ve Lost the Village
Another one of Thompson’s most compelling insights is that while some social structures remain strong, others have withered away.
The family unit is stronger than ever. Parents, especially those with means, spend more time raising their children than in previous generations — and we constantly communicate with one another.
Tribes—tight-knit ideological and interest-based groups—are thriving. Social media makes it easy to connect with like-minded individuals across the world. We can find our people with a few clicks, whether in niche hobby groups, political movements, or fandom communities.
But the village—the space where people mix with those unlike themselves—is disappearing.
The village is where you’d run into someone with different political views at the local diner, chat with a stranger at the gym, or make small talk with someone from a different background at church. It’s where different generations, classes, and perspectives naturally bump into each other.
This loss matters. The village helps us moderate our thinking. It reminds us that the world is full of people who don’t see things exactly the way we do, yet who are still worth knowing. It forces us to practice social flexibility, compromise, and empathy—things that tribal online spaces rarely encourage.
Without the village, we’re left with two extremes: the intensity of family relationships and the echo chamber of our online or ideological tribes. This can create a kind of social rigidity, where we’re either deeply embedded in close relationships or fiercely loyal to a distant, abstract group—but rarely engaging in the messy, human middle ground of everyday community.
Reclaiming the Village (and Solitude)
So, where do we go from here? How do we rebuild a sense of community while also reclaiming true solitude?
Here are a few ideas:
Practice “Third Place” Socializing – Go to places where informal social interaction happens: a café, a local library, a farmer’s market. Leave your phone at home and see what happens.
Engage in Low-Stakes Social Interaction – Compliment a stranger’s sweater. Ask a barista about their day. These micro-connections add up.
Be Intentional About Solitude – Instead of scrolling to fill quiet moments, try letting your mind wander. Spend part of your morning commute without distractions.
Create Small Rituals of Presence – At meals, in conversations, or even while walking, practice being fully present. Put the phone away and engage with the moment.
Invite Spontaneity Back Into Your Life – Text a friend to see if they’re home and drop by. Call instead of texting. Make a plan on a whim.
Technology isn’t just isolating us—it’s restructuring how we connect. It’s allowing us to deepen certain bonds (with family and ideological tribes) while weakening others (with our broader communities). Meanwhile, it’s making solitude feel less like a restful retreat and more like a chaotic blur of distractions.
The challenge of the Anti-Social Century isn’t just to disconnect from technology—it’s to rebuild the spaces in our lives where community and contemplation can flourish.
The village isn’t gone. It’s just waiting to be rebuilt.
The Podcast!
Here are just a few of the recent episodes. Great conversations with some fascinating people.
When was the last time you did something for a complete stranger that was purely for the betterment of their lives? Our guest this episode is Larry Jordan, who spent 25 years as an investment banker before he started to ask himself the same question. In 2011, he quit his job and began a spiritual journey in which he has served others all over the world. In the process, his whole life and personality have been completely transformed.
Larry identifies himself as a follower of Jesus with a Zen practice. He eagerly engages in diverse faiths and belief systems, even finding deep meaning behind the hard sciences and quantum entanglement. His greatest discovery: “Everyone is related, and everything is connected.”
Larry recently published The Way: Meaningful Spirituality for a Modern World, available on Amazon.
Liz Charlotte Grant is an award winning non-fiction storyteller having been featured in The Huffington Post, the Revealer, Sojourners, Christianity Today, and the National Catholic Reporter, among many others. She grew up in a deeply conservative branch of white American evangelicalism. After going through a deconstruction of faith, she now finds herself writing in progressive, mainline, global, and liberatory theological Christian spaces.
Liz just released her debut book Knock at the Sky: Seeking God in Genesis After Losing Faith in the Bible. Throughout the book, Liz recalls her journey of faith deconstruction and invites readers to read the Bible in new ways. Once one has deconstructed a literal interpretation (as so many Christians hold), can we still study scripture? Are we able to question sacred beliefs without fearing unbelief? The answer is a resounding yes - Liz invites her readers to absolutely question the texts of the Bible while still celebrating and cherishing their faith.
Liz is a prolific writer! After listening to this episode, you should ABSOLUTELY check out her work on her (amazing) Substack:
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We had celebrated chef Maggie Kelly on the show to discuss food as a sacred practice. Maggie has been an award-winning restaurateur and chef for over 40 years. Her relationship with food is not religious, but it is sacred.
Maggie discusses her relationship with food, the role food plays in building bonds between people, the importance of chefs in the sustainability movement, and her own perspectives on what it means to cook for another person.