A Meaningful Philosophy of Life
Reflections from another year around the sun
I am coming up on another birthday. I like milestones. Markers of time that call you to take inventory. What you’ve tackled. Or survived. What brought you joy. What brought you sorrow. And how best to apply that learning to the next year — in hopes that there is more joy than sorrow for the next trip around.
I was recently with some friends discussing David Brooks’ wise book: How to Know a Person.
In Chapter Seven, Brooks covers what he calls — The Right Questions. One, in particular, is great for this particular retrospective: What has become clearer to you as you have aged?
One thing that has clarified — and, of course — is still coming into focus is the development of a meaningful philosophy of life.
What is philosophy?
Philosophy literally means love of wisdom. It is the act of seeking to understand fundamental truths about ourselves, the world in which we live, and our relationships to the world and to each other.
That evening, as we discussed the Brooks book, our conversation turned to a version of this: What serves in the place of traditional religion in our contemporary culture? What vehicles do we use to pass on values and wisdom? How do we provide what Arthur Brooks (different Brooks, equally of interest) describes as one of the four pillars for living a happy life?
According to Arthur Brooks:
People who believe that they know their life’s meaning enjoy greater well-being than those who don’t. One 2019 study found that agreeing with the statement “I have a philosophy of life that helps me understand who I am” was associated with fewer symptoms of depression and higher positive affect.
For most of human history, there have been rites of passage and periods of time when the community imparts the lessons for a successful life to the next generation. What is filling that void now? TikTok videos? Wisdom from influencers? While these influences are new, this question has been in need of an answer for decades.
Since 1966, UCLA has surveyed incoming college students on a range of questions: A review of the first 30 years of the data identified an intriguing value shift.
Especially notable are changes in two contrasting value statements: The importance of “developing a meaningful philosophy of life” and of “being very well off financially.”
In the late 1960s developing a meaningful philosophy of life was the top value, being endorsed as an “essential” or “very important” goal by more than 80 percent of the entering freshmen.
Being very well off financially, on the other hand, lagged far behind in the late 1960s, ranking fifth or sixth on the list with less than 45 percent of the freshmen endorsing it as a very important or essential goal in life.
Since that time these two values have basically traded places, with being very well off financially now the top value (at 73.6 percent endorsement) and developing a meaningful philosophy of life now occupying sixth place at only 43.1 percent endorsement
One of organized religion's most substantive virtues is its ability to impart a kind of philosophical safety net. Because developing a meaningful philosophy of life alone is really hard, religion offers adherents a kind of default mode—a philosophy to turn to when times are tough, when we need to make sense of our circumstances, and have a vision to call us to something bigger than ourselves.
As a lapsed Catholic, I’m appreciative of having grown up with an education that aimed to transmit these lessons. In my senior year of high school, I took a world religions course. I remember being absolutely taken with Buddhist teachings, and my aperture widened. I realized that a meaningful philosophy of life could arise from all kinds of traditions.
To revisit the question: What has become clearer to you as you have aged?
My answer is this: that cultures can transform people, and people can transform cultures. Our modern American culture is primarily individualistic and communicates that value is found in the trappings.
This is wrong.
Joy, satisfaction, and purpose are found in the quality of our relationships with others.
In an interesting new study, researchers examined “super-agers,” or individuals 80 and up, but who have the memory ability of a person 20 to 30 years younger.
The only characteristic the researchers found was shared among the “super-agers”? It wasn’t diet, tobacco or alcohol use, exercise, sleep, or profession. The only shared characteristic was this: the group tended to have strong social relationships.
Where shall we begin?
When it comes to imparting a meaningful philosophy of life in a secular society, where do we start?
I would argue for Stoicism—which is not the study of being stoic but rather an ancient philosophy cultivated around the same time Jesus walked the planet—it has been re-popularized by contemporary writers like Ryan Holiday.
Stoicism is a guide to developing self-mastery, perseverance, and wisdom.
Here are the tenants that I try to think about frequently. They mirror the three main disciplines the Stoics professed: discipline in perception, action, and will.
Discipline in Perception:
Knowing what is under your own power and what is not:
“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters that I can say clearly to myself, which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where, then, do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own.” - Epictetus
There is no shortage of things that can occupy our consciousness. Our time is limited. Focusing, worrying, or perseverating on things that are not in your control is not only unhelpful it is a waste of your time — it takes away time you could be spending thinking about and making progress on the things where you actually have agency. The task at hand, your relationships at hand — this is where we should direct our focus.
They call it the present because it is a gift:
“Were you to live 3000 years, or even a countless multiple of that, keep in mind that no ever loses a life other than the one they are living, and no one ever lives a life other than the one they are losing. The longest and the shortest life, then, amount to the same, for the present moment lasts the same for all and is all anyone possesses. No one can lose either the past or the future, for how can someone be deprived of what’s not theirs?” - Marcus Aurelius
The present is in our power — if you attend to it, it will be enough.
Discipline of Action
Atomic Habits
“Every habit and capability is confirmed and grows in its corresponding actions, walking by walking, running by running… therefore, if you want to do something, make a habit of it; if you don’t want to do that, don’t, but make a habit of something else instead. The same principle is at work in our state of mind. When you get angry, you’ve not only experienced that evil, but you’ve also reinforced a bad habit, adding fuel to the fire.” - Epictetus
“We are what we repeatedly do. Therefore, excellence is not an act, but a habit,” —Aristotle. We are our habits—our physical habits and our mental habits. We become what we do, and we become what we think about.
The obstacle is the way:
“While it's true that someone can impede our actions, they can’t impede our intentions and attitudes, which have the power of being conditional and adaptable. For the mind adapts and converts any obstacle to its action into a mean of achieving it. That which is an impediment to action is turned to advance action. The obstacle on the path becomes the way.” - Marcus Aurelius
Every challenge we face is an opportunity to grow, sharpen our skills, or become more resilient. Instead of being crushed by the obstacles that end up in our path, we use them as the way to move forward.
Discipline in Will
Be slow to judgment:
“Everything turns on your assumptions about it, and that’s on you. You can pluck out the hasty judgments at will, and like steering a ship around the point, you will find calm seas, fair weather and a safe port.” - Marcus Aurelius
Give people the benefit of the doubt. Always take the most generous interpretation of an interaction. Not only will you make many more friends this way, but you’ll also be happier as you move through your days.
Invest in relationships with others:
You’ll more quickly find an earthly thing kept from the earth than a person cut off from other human beings. — Marcus Aurelius
Human beings are social animals. We need each other. Our ability to cooperate and work together has allowed us to conquer the planet. Our ability and desire to build relationships with one another is fundamental to our species.
Love others openly:
“I can teach you a love potion made without any drugs, herbs, or special spell — if you would be loved, love.” - Seneca
This one is pretty self-explanatory.
Best of luck on your next trip.
Keep looking for connection,
Recommendations:
What I am Reading:
The Algebra of Wealth by Scott Galloway
The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Johnathan Haidt
What I am watching:
Killing Eve on Netflix
What I am listening to:
Esther Perel on the New AI: Artificial Intimacy
